Sins of the Father
by blackwidow73
Summary: John has his reasons for leaving Gemma, for not wanting to be around while she's mourning the death of their son. Mainly about Gemma and John but there will be a lot of Gemma/Clay.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Gone

Gemma sat there on the ground, her body leaning against the wall of the stall that she had been occupying. It hadn't been too long since Thomas had died, maybe fifteen minutes.

All she was trying to do right now was regulate her breathing. Her glossy brown eyes stared into space. She had just finished vomitting, the perfect end to her little scene that she had caused. As soon as she noticed on the monitor that Thomas's heart was beginning to flatline. She screamed for someone to come and help him.

Deep down though, she knew that there was nothing that could have been done. She wasn't even sure as to why she had been calling for a doctor. Maybe so that she wouldn't have to be alone when Thomas officially died?

FInally, she pushed herself to her feet and walked out to the sink. She took a minute to freshen herself, get rid of the mascara stains from under her eyes, neaten her hair a little. After she was done, she let out a heavy sigh. Her hands clasped onto the edges of the sink as she examined herself in the mirror. That break down that she had out there, that was all that she was going to allow herself to have.

Now she had to get back out there and act as though she were okay. She had to make sure that could get home and take care of Jax. Gemma had more important things to do than sit around and have everyone pity her. She even had a funeral that she had to plan. And all of this, she knew she would be doing on her own. In all honesty, she would rather do this all on her own. John hadn't been there lately and she hated him for his abadonment. She hated how he made her feel anymore.

Ever since Thomas had started getting worse, John had been spending more and more time away from home. He left her to lay alone in bed and worry at night, he left her to watch Thomas slip further and further from her each day. And most recently, he left her to watch her baby boy die right before her eyes.

She got through all of that, she could get through the next few weeks without him.

Besides, it wasn't as though she were completely alone. Clay had been there for her. In the past couple of months he had been stopping by more and more just to check on her, just to make sure that Jax was doing okay. They would talk. He made her feel less empty and numb. He made her a little happy when she needed it most. His presence was enough for her, Clay never had to do anything extravagent. He was simply there.

Gemma let go of the sink and turned to leave. She couldn't handle this place anymore, it was starting to make her feel sick to her stomach. She left the restroom and hurried down the hall, her heels harshly clicking against the floor.

As she reached the waiting room where the guys were waiting for her, she made sure to keep her held high. "Let's get outta here," she coldly stated, wiping her face with the back of her hand. She wasn't about to let herself start crying all over again.

The men had stood as soon as they heard her coming. All of them were concerend, and only watched as she passed them. It was Clay who finally followed her and the rest went to go to the club house.

oooooo

John sat on the plane, staring blankly ahead of him. Right now, he imagined that his wife was screaming at the nurses, telling them that they had to do something. Gemma was probably throwing a fit in the hospital, showing her rage and hiding the absolute emptiness and brokeness that she must be feeling. His son had to of been dead by now. There was no doubting it.

He had only been in Charming for the day, just long enough to see his son and say goodbye, just long enough to put him out of his misery and allow his wife to move on with her life.

The guilt was starting to eat away at him for what he had done, but it was something that he had to do. Thomas had been in a coma for four months now. There was no real hope of him getting any better. They were simply just standing there, watching him as he slowly died. In a way it seemed cruel what they were doing, dragging out the process of his illness eating away at him just so that they didn't have to say goodbye just yet.

Thomas's living wasn't doing any one else any good either. Gemma had been spending most of her time at the hopsital. She'd pretty much stopped eating, stopped sleeping. She stopped taking care of herself, all just so that she would have more time to sit in that dready hospital room next to her baby.

That left Jax to basically take care of himself at the age of nine. Gemma was only home at night anymore, just enough to feed Jax dinner and get some of the housework done. On weekends he was mainly over with Opie.

Mercy killing his youngest son was the best thing that he could have done for his family. John kept reminding himself of what he had left behind. Since he had been spending most of his time up in Ireland, he had relied mainly on Clay and Piney to tell him how his family was doing. It used to be Gemma that would keep him updated, but lately she had been giving him the cold shoulder.

As the plane landed, he shook the thoughts of his wife from his head. Although he loved Gemma, he couldn't handle being with his family right now. Too much was going wrong. He wasn't strong enough to help her pick up the pieces and move on with their lives. In his mind, he would have just been a burden on her and Jax anyways. Those were the words he told himself every night that he spent with Maureen to assure him that what he was doing was okay.

It was never supposed to happen, Maureen. He just met her while he was trying to work up a deal with the Irish. He was out with a few guys and saw her at the bar. There she was with golden hair, soft features. She was sweet and charming. She was gentle. And she was willing to listen to him about his problems. Maureen knew everything that was going on with his family. She was understanding.

Now, the two had a daughter together. And today was Trinity's third birthday. That was the reason he had to return to Ireland so quickly, was to be there for his daughter's birthday.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Need

No one could ever be all that sure as to what to expect at a showing for a child. Most times the room would be filled with people swapping stories about the deceased. There would be an air of sadness, but nothing like this. When there was a child involved, even the funnier stories shared ended in tears.

Gemma sat in the corner of the room. Most of the people had already left, the only ones remaining were a few club members. Her son Jax was fast asleep, his head resting on her lap as she ran her fingers through his light blonde hair. He was the only family that she had left at the moment.

"Do you need anything before I go?"

Gemma was brought back to the present, her eyes shifting to the familiar figure before her, Piney. "No," she flatly answered. "We'll be fine," she assured him.

Piney nodded, knowing that she didn't want to speak further on the topic. She was neevr one to accept pity, but he still had to offer her help. As he was just about to turn and leave, it dawned on him what was really bothering her, the one thing that could have been adding more stress to an already emotionally exhausting situation. "I'm sure he'll be here for the burial tomorrow," he stated.

In all honesty, it surprised him that John had decided not to return home for the showing. This was his son.

A soft scoff emitted from the woman. Her eyes moved down to her son as she shook her head. "John doesn't give a shit," she stated. In her mind, John had died long before Thomas. Or at least their marriage had. Surely what they had wasn't much, not if he had no problem just leaving her like this.

As bad as it was, she also did not want to see John there. She didn't want to see him standing there, looking as though he cared about any of this. It would only upset her to see John finally deciding to show up after everything that had happened, to come back just as she was putting the pieces back together. He stayed the hell away from her when she was at her worst, constantly worried about Thomas and then the night of his death. He wasn't going to be welcomed back into her life now.

Piney sighed. He wasn't sure what to say to that. He knew that if he said anything to defend John that he would only upset her, and if he agreed with her, it wouldn't help her at all. He simply nodded and turned to leave.

Clay stood in the opposite corner of the room. He had been waiting for Gemma. Since John wasn't there, he volunteered to drive her to and from the showings and the burial. Once he saw that the place was cleared out after Piney and the remaining guys left, he stepped over towards the brunette. "I think it's time we left too," he told her.

He wasn't going to say it to her, but he was truly worried about her. She looked weaker, tired. It was as though everything was finally catching up to her and taking a physical toll on her.

Gemma nodded in agreement. She was about to wake Jax, but Clay held up his hand and proceeded to take the boy into his arms to carry him to the car. "He's had a long day," he mentioned.

"Thanks," she replied as she stood to her feet. She straightened her dress and grabbed her purse.

"You ready?" he asked, watching her more than he should be.

"Yeah," she replied, briefly catching eye contact with him. "Let's go."

oooooo

John stood in the kitchen, looking out through the window. He was aware that he had missed the viewing, and he was taking no action to get back to California in time for the burial. He just couldn't bare to look at any of his family right now.

The worst part wouldn't even be seeing Thomas laying there in the casket. It would be seeing Gemma standing there, cursing to herself. It would be seeing her put on her best act to seem all right, not accepting help to take care of Jax. He would know that was ready to fall apart, that all she wants is someone to be able to take her home and hold her for a while.

In a way, it hurt to know that he wouldn't be the one to help her. More than anything he wanted to be able to go back home and help his family. He just couldn't at the moment. The guilt was all too much.

Besides, he was sure there had been something between her and Clay. They didn't do anything in front of him, but the last time that he was there he could just see it. The way they looked at each other, the overall protectiveness on Clay's part. Clay was the only one at the hospital besides Gemma when he got there that morning. Whether or not their relationship was sexual, he was pretty sure that if he called home, Clay would be there.

"What are ya doing up?"

John turned, slightly startled be the presence. It was Maureen, the new woman in his life. "Just couldn't sleep," he sighed before turning back to face the window. It wasn't as if he really wanted to talk right now. Later he would tell her everything, but just not this very moment. "Go on and get back to sleep. Triny will be getting up in a couple of hours," he added.

Maureen walked up behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders. She kissed the back of his neck. "I think ya need your rest too," she told him.

John turned and offered her a smile as she let go of his shoulders. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Alright?" he replied.

"Alright," she responded and then retreated back to the bedroom.

He just stood there, watching her walk away from him. The images were streaming through his mind. Every time that he closed his eyes he could see himself pulling out the syringe and sticking the needle into his son. He found the arm in which a lot of his shots had been administered. He remembered convincing himself that Thomas was already dead.

If Thomas were already dead though, then why the hell was he feeling so guilty? Because he was the one who killed him. Thomas might have looked dead, but that didn't mean that he was there yet.

His hands were clenched into tight fists at his side. All he wanted to do was punch something, most preferably himself. If he could find a mirror to shatter he would. However, he couldn't. He couldn't wake Trinity and he didn't want to have to explain anything to Maureen right now.

oooooo

Clay sat at the kitchen table, one that he had sat at many times before now. John had had him over for a few drinks, there were nights where he would be over for dinner. There was one time where he had watched the kids while John and Gemma went on a small over night trip together.

Now here he was, getting closer to his best friend's wife. He should have left by now. Gemma and Jax were home safe and doing fine. That was all he had to make sure of, his job was done. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to leave. He needed to see her just one more time.

His eyes slightly lit up as he heard the heels clicking against the floor, she was making her way back out towards the kitchen. "How's he holdin up?" he asked.

Gemma smirked to him as she stood in the entrance way. Her hand was placed on her hip. "He claims he's alright," she replied. "Tells me that he doesn't want me to worry about him."

Clay chuckled at the comment. "Sounds like someone else we know," he remarked.

Gemma just nodded, not really wanting to start talking about herself. Her hands fell to her sides as she made her way over to the counter. "You want some coffee or something?" she offered.

"No," Clay sighed, standing from the table. It was hard for him to leave, but he knew that he had to. The woman was burying her son the very next day, and she was still married to his best friend. He got to see her one last time like he wanted. That was good enough. Anything else could lead to unneeded complications.

There was also the fact that John could show up at anytime. It wasn't likely, no one had heard from him, but it was still possible.

Gemma turned and looked to him. She was a little disappointed that he would be leaving. He was the only person she really had to turn to at this point. She knew that he would be there for her after the funeral, but she needed him now. "Just remember to be here at nine. I gotta be there early," she reminded him, not wanting to show that she had been let down by him.

Clay nodded to her before turning and heading towards the door. All he wanted to do was get her through this before they did anything. "Night Gemma," he said as he reached the door.

"Wait."

She wasn't sure why she said that. It was as if she had temporarily lost control of herself. She knew better than to try and do anything now. Still, she needed him. Whether or not it was a good idea, she needed him.

Her eyes stayed glued to him as she walked over to join him. He seemed to be frozen, watching her with interest. Neither of them were surprised really, just wondering why it was happening now.

Gemma placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned in, kissing him on the lips. Once Clay wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, she took her hands and started running them through his hair. Grabbing handfuls of his hair and pulling his head closer to her as they harshly, yet passionately kissed.


End file.
